My parents song. It's playing on my newly updated iTunes right now. Mom and I went out to dinner tonight. And she said, "I'm starting to accept, that the Daddy we knew, is never going to be the same again.... I mean, I know he'll get better, I have no doubt he'll improve, no doubt. But he won't be the same." I said, "I remember that Daddy more lately, since he's been gone, I'm remembering more how he was before this." And then I started to agree with her -- that I'm accepting that he won't come back the same... maybe he'll be like 80% what he was. And then I immediately slammed my wine glass back down on the table and said, "NO. nevermind. I take that back. I don't mean that. I can't mean that. Because the moment I accept a fate that he won't ever return to be the best he can be again then that instantly kills that dream and possibility. And if I did that long ago Dad would be dead today. So yes. He will come back, more than just 80%." He will. And hi - he will read this. Did ya ever think about that? He will read this one day. It's his story, and he's the star. It's only fair. God do I miss him. It's truly the weirdest longing - because, he's not dead, there's no sense of finality or closure - and I can't just talk to the air and hope he hears it - all I can do is send positive energy and love and hope to his spirit that was before June 27th, and try to pull that energy back into his body, which is far away in Bakersfield and a million other places mixed up in his mind. Well - I just cried.
(This is one of my favorite pictures - it lives on Dad's blackberry. And now that I'm almost iPhoto savvy I'll aim to upload more fun pix. :)
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