Man in the Mirror

Exactly one year ago tomorrow, my Dad suffered from cardiac arrest.  Today, Michael Jackson did.  Only difference is, Jackson died.  ("Cardiac arrest" quickly turns into "cardiac death" after approximately 10 minutes in most cases... read on.)  I sort of can't believe it.  The first real legend of my generation is gone.  And personally, it strikes a weird cord.  His death would sadden me regardless; after countless memories of watching 'Moonwalker' throughout my childhood, and being 16 years old blasting 'Man in the Mirror' and singing at the top of my lungs behind the wheel of my white ford explorer, even just a couple weeks ago - I popped my own MJ mix into my car system and rocked out to 'Black or White' with friends on the freeway.  But with this event ushering in the anniversary of my father's own cardiac death, it oddly takes some of the sting away.  I've been anticipating this date all week... all year I guess, but particularly fearing it this month, and I guess, cheesy enough, Michael Jackson's death in this capacity is the universe's way of reminding me that indeed, "You are not alone"... 

According to this informative Q&A for those seeking more verification on Michael's death:

Q: What might have happened in Jackson's case?

A: Jackson most likely had ventricular fibrillation, an electrical disturbance of the heart that occurs when the heart begins beating 400 to 500 times a minute — much more than the normal 70 to 75 beats, says Douglas Zipes, emeritus professor at Indiana University School of Medicine and former president of the American College of Cardiology. (sounds familiar)

"When you look at the heart in ventricular fibrillation, it looks like a bag of squiggly worms," Zipes says. "The contractions are totally ineffective. ... Therefore, no blood is pumped to the brain, causing him to black out.  

Q: What can you do for someone in cardiac arrest?

A: Sudden cardiac death occurs within minutes unless someone gets the heart working again, either through CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) or with a defibrillator, which uses an electrical shock to get the heart pumping correctly.

Brain death begins in just four to six minutes, so restarting the heart quickly is vital, the American Heart Association says.  (wow... Dad was already gone in just 4-6 minutes... who knew...)

CPR can buy patients time until they can be shocked with a defibrillator, says Abhi Mehrotra, assistant professor of emergency medicine at UNC-Chapel Hill. By compressing the chest, rescuers circulate blood and get oxygen to vital organs such as the brain.  

A victim's chances of survival go down 7% to 10% every minute that passes without CPR and defibrillation. Few people are revived after 10 minutes, the heart association says. (just 10 minutes?? try 13.)

According to a fact I overheard on the news, 5% of people survive a sudden cardiac arrest.  Just 5%.  I wonder what the reaction would be like if Michael had made that 5% cut like my Dad did.  If he lived the next few years of his life in a wash of memories and confusion, all in the public eye.  As if the poor superstar didn't receive enough media criticism and lunacy already.  Hmm, at the end of the day he'll be remembered for the amazing legend he was... quite a blessing I guess.

I don't know what's worse... that my Dad is here today, to cuss at me and call me by the wrong name, or that because he surpassed those 10 minutes, his legend as being the best father and man in the world is slightly tainted and diminished, rubbed away with each passing day.  No no, the man he was will always remain with me - ALWAYS - but it's hard to keep that legend present amidst the reality of today.  I wonder what man he sees when he looks in the mirror tomorrow morning... maybe a little bit of the legend he was a year ago, mixed with the madness of a man he feels today.  I don't really know... I still can't really tell.

R.I.P M.J -- I'll miss you too.