Separation

How interesting it is to be living away and alone for a mere 5 days in this facilitated escape from reality. I'm feeling a touch lonely, a touch anxious, a touch disconnected. My immediate companions are my amazing dog-cousins Stogie and Dunkleman. Thanks to Uncle Bob and Marianne's Hawaii vacation, I get a little escape in their Encino abode. And it feels wonderful and unusual all at the same time. It's been a year since I've lived truly alone -- on an average Tuesday night in this day and age I would probably have the same amount of nothing to do except Dad would be in the next room bored and waiting for me to upstart some activity. Hmmm... do I miss him? I don't know. If anything, the separation makes me miss my real Dad, and realize how I long for him without recognizing it, and how long I've been without him, and how I never have grieved nor will I ever in the near future. And I feel bad that Mom is stuck at home these 3 days with the mad-Dad and she's insisting I give myself a break away and I feel a little guilty and bad that I'm not helping and that she has no break. But I digress... this whole "missing" thing is a double-edged sword. No - I don't miss my home life right now, it churns my stomach to think what daily life is really like at home. And then I think... I do miss my mad-Dad I guess, but does he miss me? Is his mind wondering where I am right now? And why I haven't been home? Has he asked for me (Robin) lately? I'm pretty damn sure he hasn't asked for Annie. But if he doesn't miss me... why should I spend time missing him with all I give and sacrifice for him already? I should enjoy this house to myself, these endless loving labradors who are by my side every second, and the freedom to do whatever I want and waste the night away.

In truth, it feels too peaceful and quite incomplete on so many levels.

******31 Minutes later*******

Just got off the phone with my crying Mom and my suprisingly perky Poppa. Mom handed him the phone, and I get a cheery "Hey!!! What's happenin?!" It's like a deflated balloon inside my soul was swiftly inflated with helium. "Hi, Daddy! I'm good. How are you??" I say. "We're doing good... where are you?" he replies. "I'm housitting for Uncle Bob in Encino." "ohh!! You're not too far away." he says happily. :) And the rest of the conversation ensued in cheerful obvliousness on his part and loving satisfaction on mine. He was happy to talk to me. He said he missed me. And me being away and out of the house -- that's normal to him. And most of all, he said, "Love you" first - before hanging up the phone. So I could reply, "I love you too." He's there. I brought him out of his depressed, brain-damaged funk for 5 mintues. I sort of just want to hug him now.