14 miles

tomorrow. 8am. i'm runnin' it. Training for the L.A marathon has been the best therepy for me; aside from my evening ritual of glass of wine on the couch while flipping through a food magazine and munching on my new favorite rosemary-salty crackers and watching the evening news (wow I really have aged 20 years in 6 months). but yes, aside from forced relaxation-therepy, running has become an amazing outlet and new little adventure. I have to run 14 miles tomorrow! FOURTEEN! I've never run more than 12! And up until 3 weeks ago I had never run more than 11! and so on and so on! it's exciting! I never know if I'm going to make it to the peanut butter and jelly triangles at the end or pass the fuck out. But I do look forward to it more than anything because it's a new experience every Saturday. It's a new community of amazing, sweet people. People who never knew me before this happened with my Dad. Which - I've only dispelled to two people in my running group - simply because I wanted to remember what it felt like to NOT have this as my burden. And to remember what it felt like to make conversation that wasn't about my Dad. And to remember what it feels like to socialize, and make new friends, and talk about work and common interests. And hi - those things are challenging!!! I find myself feeling so out of practice sometimes in social situations because I so rarely go out anymore. (don't get me wrong, I do go out, I'd say I average a once-a-week social outing, but true that is far more infrequent than before June 27th.) Regardless, I kind of wanted to keep my story separate from this new community. However, at about mile 7 a couple months ago when I knew the end was not near and somehow we had to pass the next few miles I decided to start talking to kill the distance. I'm sure I'll share my story with the rest of the group at some point, if they haven't already heard from eavesdropping along the way, but there's a precious feeling of escape when I head to Griffith Park every Saturday morning; armed with my supply of GU and sporting my groovy little running ensemble. It's revitalizing and refreshing. I wonder how we'll run off those 14 miles tomorrow; what we'll talk about, what we'll bitch about, what I'll be thinking of when we're not talking or bitching. And maybe in that thinking time decisions won't necessecarily be completed - like the one of sending Dad to Bakersfield for 6 weeks, the daunting, life-altering, difficult recurring dilemma - but I hope to accomplish some perspective or at least a little clarity. I also hope to burn about 800 calories and get myself back on track so my Wii fit doesn't chastise me anymore for my happy-holiday-hips. with that said, I'm off to bed!