enter 2009

A new year, a new me, a new effort, a new perspective, a new family... new new new in '09. Welcome to my new blog! Suffice it to say, last year offered less than to be desired, and I welcome a new start with wide open arms. Many a time through these past 6 months I needed an outlet to share my feelings, fears, thoughts, and experiences - so I turned to a little red journal that my dear friend Stefanie gave to me at a most appropriate time. That little red journal became a scrapbook, memoir, daily log, scribbley compilation of my Dad's tragedy and life thereafter. I finished that little journal on December 26th 2008. In it contains moments of death, questioning, waiting, doctors jargon, awakening!, recovery, hospital wristbands, newspaper clippings, a secret letter, a funeral speech, scribbles, phone numbers, business cards, characters, new friends, old friends, lost friends, family, transition, hope, love, and lots of ink. I feel it's only appropriate that that journal was bright red -- that scary emergency sign red. I never liked the color red, and I remember when Stefanie brought two journals to my friend Nicole and me, she took the pretty, sweet, pink one. But make of that what you will - my point now is that today I start a new way of talking and spilling - into a pretty light purple and lavendar network of words where I can share. I'm sure I'll keep another bedside journal as soon as I get a new one (not red) -- to write the stuff that only a few of you may be so close-hearted to me to hear, but if you're nice, I may dispell those secrets to you too. :)

Christmas warrants presents, New Years warrants resolutions. Neither of which meant anything to my mom and me this year. The biggest gift was having my Dad there to open presents with - a possibility that wasn't six months ago. And it's true, when real life kicks you in the ass, the material shit doesn't matter. (Although I do enjoy my new martini and pink donut pajamas.) I guess though resolutions don't necessarily need to be thrown out the window... so let me take this time to think of some, and if you have any suggestions, please feel free...
1) adopt a dog (is that really a resolution or just a desire?)
2) organize my music collection. (ahhhh!!!! it's a true catastrophe I tell you. I have a CD case with a random assortment of burned DMB discs, LFO and Big Willie Style albums, intermixed with Tori Amos and my favorite musical collections. heeeeeeellllp!!!)
3) finish everything i start (i think i made that one last year too.)
4) throw things away.
5) wear high heels (eeek!)
6) organize my DVD collection. (another minimal but true disgrace to media collections)
7) learn guitar with my Daddy. (aw)
8) cook more with mushrooms (even though I think they taste like dirt but keep trying!)
9) don't be quite so easy-going all the time...
10) something to do with love, friends, family, life, and how it's all so precious and worth the time

okay, I think that works for a first attempt at a blog. 'night 'night. ;)